self love Archives - Mridula Singh

Not a long time ago, I had a very close friend who continually kept reminding me of all the mistakes that I have ever made in my life.

She never let me feel good about myself for a long time. Each time I was ready for a big event or started to feel good, she would remind of my imperfect body or how I was not pretty enough to feel this way.

She would go out of her way to compare me with the girls she saw on magazines, and she had a big problem with how I wasn’t successful, beautiful, and talented enough.

You would be wondering, why would I put up with her after all this?

Have you had such a friend in your life? That one friend, for whom you were never adequate?

Photo by **Juan Pablo Arenas** from **Pexels**

For me, that friend was my inner voice and how it would regularly remind me of my failures. It is funny how we look around for excuses, but the only person to be blamed for our unhappiness is ourselves.

We are so critical of ourselves that we cannot even stand in front of the mirror for more than 25 seconds without pointing out the flaws in our bodies. We are our worst frenemies, always there to remind ourselves of the things we could not do.

We tend to think that the presence of someone else in our life will make it better. It will make us happier or give us the validation that we are seeking.

A few years ago, I made a promise to myself that I will love myself endlessly and will always be there to pick up the pieces each time I will fall apart. My perception of looking at life transformed after making that promise.

No longer was I wishing to feel accepted, because I accepted and loved myself for all that I am.

I started making more mindful choices about the friendships and relationships I had.

Once I was ready to accept myself completely, it got easier for me to accept people for who they were. It made it easier for me to let go of the people who were toxic or did not respect my boundaries, without keeping a grudge or negative attitude towards them.

If we are not kind to ourselves, we will continue to have people in our circle who would keep making us feel guilty and drained.

People come and go, but in the end, it is our relationship with ourselves, which dictates our relationship with the people around us.

Photo by Juan Pablo Arenas from Pexels

How do you deal with the process of getting from where you are to where you want to be?

In a lot of cases, we do not participate in the process gracefully, which leads to an unhealthy transformation or an incomplete process.

We usually start our dissing our current self in order to get to the desired place.

Going from one state of existence to another involves a process.

This process needs to be completed from a place of love, or else it could give us unwanted results, or we may even end up leaving the process in the middle if it causes us grief.

Therefore, when you decide to develop yourself in a better person, you should not start hating your current self.

In the process of trying to lose weight, most of us start hating our bodies and follow the process with hatred towards ourselves, and punish our body for it. This creates an imbalance, and we may end up hurting our bodies in the process.

To learn any new skill you need a process. Remember when you decided to learn dancing, cooking, or singing, you followed a process. Did you judge yourself, or hate yourself when you did not know how to cook? Or dance? You just said that you will learn more and enhance your skill.

Did you start cussing yourself for being in ‘Grade 1’ on your way to graduation? No, right? So why do you put so much pressure on your imperfect self in the process of reaching to desired self?

Similarly, when we try to make more money, we start hating our current earning or existence. It creates an emotional gap in our connection to ourselves.

This emotional gap does not result in healthy transformation, and you are likely to get back to your old ways, or you may achieve the desired results, but you will not be in a happy place emotionally.

How would you react if someone asked you to do the right thing, forcefully? Their intentions may be nice, but how would you feel if a teacher punished you physically to achieve good grades?

We grow best in the in the places we feel loved.

When we are brought up in a loving environment where we feel trusted, we bloom the best. Having a partner who loves and trusts us, can bring out the best in us. We can be that partner for ourselves, we can love ourselves on this journey to become the best version of ourselves.

So when you want your body and mind to work with you in harmony, you have to give them love along the way. Thank yourself for choosing to take on this journey and for consistently evolving into a better person.

Loving yourself can make your transformation process a wonderful experience, rather than a torturous one.

So Love your imperfect self.

self love

The worst friend I’ve had